Not sad anymore

I remember one or two times people who read my blog asked me “why are you always sad?” … I am not.

I do realize I write more when I’m sad but that doesn’t mean I’m sad always.

I was reading some old post and I remembered some moments that made me cry. My eyes didn’t water.

Where I am standing  I decided it.  Its all my fault/reward. I did it.  No one forced me.  If the ship sale without me. It was me who wasn’t there on time.  It was me who was busy packing and forgot to go.

I am happy. Here, alone. Here, with myself. Here, being simply me.

I do know more things in my life… And I will get it since I have always believed I can get all I want. Just need to focus. Universe will bring IT.  Finally, reality will be better than dreams.

I tired of daydreaming I wanna live my dreams but I can’t go anywhere if I don’t buy a ticket.

They won’t sell you a ticket if you don’t know where you are going.

Not sad anymore

I remember one or two times people who read my blog asked me “why are you always sad?” … I am not.

I do realize I write more when I’m sad but that doesn’t mean I’m sad always.

I was reading some old post and I remembered some moments that made me cry. My eyes didn’t water.

Where I am standing  I decided it.  Its all my fault/reward. I did it.  No one forced me.  If the ship sale without me. It was me who wasn’t there on time.  It was me who was busy packing and forgot to go.

I am happy. Here, alone. Here, with myself. Here, being simply me.

I do know more things in my life… And I will get it since I have always believed I can get all I want. Just need to focus. Universe will bring IT.  Finally, reality will be better than dreams.

I tired of daydreaming I wanna live my dreams but I can’t go anywhere if I don’t buy a ticket.

They won’t sell you a ticket if you don’t know where you are going.

Should we forget?

Sometimes we get hurt and we should forgive. Not for the ones who hurt us, but for us.

But, should we also forget? Should we risk to get hurt again? When do people deserve a second chance? When is enough?

I feel vulnerable …  Its ok.

When we bleed we realize we are still alive… That acid taste … I miss it …

The sea soon will be high… The river flow to the sea… All has path.

dammit, miss writing

I do need to start writing again; it is good for the soul and memory.

This weekend I relaxed a lot going to the countryside and eating shrimps … :D

 

I don’t know where I have been I feel like part f me is missing.

I am very different from the girl who started blogging when she was in college. I wonder where is she now.

Many of such dreams are lost by now, or hidden somewhere I cant find them.

What happened?

When did I become of what I swore I would never be? I don’t know.

Nevertheless, I don’t feel that bad. I feel ok.

My job …well, I certainly don’t feel like I am doing something that improves the World, but its not that bad either and it pays well.

Its funny, I was not thinking about open myself now that I wanted to write a short post, but ok.

We got the yearly profit gains from the company, they usually never pay a big amount but this year they did. A Friend got enough to be able to buy a car finally …

And me ..I didn’t get such a big amount, but I got enough. I talked to 2 friends, one got nothing for being outsourcing and other very little … I feel sad coz them but I saw they were greedy … this was an unexpected amount of money so we should be glad if we get some, even if it’s a little, no?

Then the green monster appeared in me … but I rapidly sent him back … It is just money. I don’t know since when money took more importance for me that it was in the past. Maybe since I had to pay my own bills and I see life is not cheap at all.

Anyway, for first time in my life. I do have a wish to buy a new car, but then I ask myself? What for? To show off to people that I don’t know and that they don’t know me? What do I need to prove? In my job, everybody would notice if you have a new car … even if its has all features or not. Why are we that way?

I wont fall in such game, and well, I don’t have enough money to buy the car I want …coz surely its not a cheap one, lol. Somehow, it is too much in my mind; maybe I will get it soon.

When did I become so shallow that my wish is a new car? Where did I get lost?

Well, in other things … this month June will be awakening, many things will be decided now … all or nothing, no time to lose.

And about my job, it is killing me … I dislike so much 2 of my coworkers, they just do everything more difficult to me .. pfff..   tho, my boss Jason never tells me anything even when those fuckers complain about me. I don’t know if that is good of bad. I must do things better, I have made mistake and I know it, but I cant stress that much because of that is not healthy. Once, I even got a nervous attack… I need to relax more… get drunk more, worry less, that’s my plan since 12th June… hehe.

What the hell if they fire me after all? :D

My close coworkers are good … Jimmy is gay … and a drama queen, he always talks about his problems and such, but OK, I don’t feel like talking about mine …since lately I don’t seem to have.

Newbie, Charlie, is a nice guy, but it seems he needs to focus more on doing his work well, or I will be in problems since I am the responsible of our department.

Anyway, things are good, we just need to improve soon… and well a Mexican guy won The voice Poland … maybe I can succeed too :D

Besos my dears!